Things have been going fairly decently, if hectic. I haven’t had much time to get out a post, and to be honest, I really haven’t felt like I had much to talk about. Some months are just like that I guess.
We started solid foods, which has been an interesting experience. The Twig loves rice cereal, applesauce, pears, and peas. They aren’t really into the turkey by itself yet. But I am sure we will get there.
I have been excited top introduce them to new foods, and to get a bit of a reprieve from their perpetual hunger. But, and it is a fairly big but, I have also been sad because it feels like one more thing they need less of me for now. They are only six-months old, but I feel like they are growing up too fast.
I have been having a bit of dysphoria of late, but not terribly so, thankfully. Just enough to be uncomfortable and wonder what to do about it. Usually it dissipates on its own. I am still trying to figure out how to explain all the unusual things about myself and my spouse to the Twig, and when it would be good to do so.
We are still living in the in-law’s place, and it is becoming a real strain. I appreciate all they have done for us, but I am ready for our own place. I have never been good about leaving furniture in one place, I like to rearrange things when life gets stressful. It gives me a new outlook and something productive to do with my (usually late night) bouts of energy. But I can’t really do that here. It isn’t my place to rearrange.
The Twig is growing like a weed, has mastered rolling back to front and front to back, and is working on crawling. They talk almost all the time, and I both enjoy it and it stresses me out. I am not used to the incessant noise and sometimes I just get overloaded and don’t know how to handle the babbling.
It’s times like that I feel like a bad parent. I know I am not a bad parent. I worry about doing things right, I spend the majority of my days entertaining and playing with the Twig, making sure their every need is met, talking with them and just enjoying their presence. But sometimes, I just need a break. Some quiet time to sit and reflect. And sometimes that is hard to come by in a shared house. Even when I am alone, I am not really. There are always other people’s noises. I have taken to riding in the car in silence when I go to the store by myself, because it is as close to complete silence as I can get.
Getting back into the swing of things for the business has been pretty much impossible. I just can’t get my act together it seems like. I have stuff done, all I need to do is take pictures and post it in the online shop, but that seems like a huge barrier at the moment. I am starting to have a vision of what I would like to do with my business, but I am not sure how well it would be received, or if I even have the skills to accomplish what I want. I guess the best way to know is to try.
I want to tie my business into my faith system to some extent. I want to make things that inspire and are useful, but there are so many things that make me unsure. Like the fact that I don’t really necessarily work with natural materials. And in the pagan community that can be a big deal. There is so much to learn to go down this path, and I am not sure I have the time or the energy to make it happen. But I feel like it is the right path. I love geek stuff, and I will continue to make it and do conventions, but I really think that making other stuff is a calling I need to answer.
So I guess that means that I should do that. I want to be as genuine as possible. And that means admitting that I have a lot of work ahead of me to become as genuine as possible. It will be an interesting journey, and I am thankful for the ability to take it. And I am thankful that I have the spouse that I do to come with me on this journey, and a wonderful child to watch grow and go on their own journeys.